What to do if... - Big Brothers Big Sisters of Siouxland

Tips to make your match greatWhat to do if...

Relationships have ups and downs.Here are some tips on dealing with common match concerns and questions.

Q: "What can I do if my Little frequently wants to spend money or doesn't want to leave at the end of an activity?"

A: It's OK to say "no."

As a Big, it is important to feel comfortable setting limits. Children thrive when they know what they can expect and what is expected of them. Some children will test adults in new settings to see how far they can go before they are told "no." Limit testing is common around issues of time and money. Try these tactics:

• As the end of your time together approaches, give your Little reminders. For example, “we have time to play one more game” or “we need to leave in 15 minutes.”

• If your match is new, it helps to start out by doing fun activities that don’t cost you anything.

• Remind the child that the focus of Big Brothers Big Sisters is friendship, not money.

• Sit down together with your Little and brainstorm activity ideas you would like to do that don’t require spending money.

• When you are arranging the activity, discuss with your Little and his/her caregiver whether you will be eating together or if your Little should eat before you pick him/her up.

• If your Little often says he/she is hungry during your activities, plan ahead and bring along a snack.

• Rather than asking your Little “What do you want to do?”, provide your Little with a few free or low cost activities from which to choose.

• Set a budget for the month and talk with your Little about the options. For example: “We have $20 to spend this month for our four activities. That can be $5 per activity, $10 on two outings and two free ones, or $20 on one outing and three free ones." ($20 is just an example.)

• Stick to the limit you set. It’s OK to say “no”, but let them down gently.

• Remember, your Mentoring Specialist (MS) is here to problem-solve and assist. Your MS can also talk with the child about realistic expectations of the program.

Q: "I'm having trouble keeping in touch with my Little. How can we keep our match going if my Little does not have a phone?"

A: Please contact your Mentoring Specialist (MS) right away if you begin to have trouble reaching your Little. We're here to help with such challenges. Your MS will work with you, your Little and your Little's caregiver to develop a plan to overcome this barrier.

• Try stopping by your Little's house, leaving a note or sending a letter.

• Encourage your Little to call you if she/he has access to a phone somewhere other than home.

• Set up your next outing each time you meet. When you drop off your Little, communicate clearly with your Little's caregiver about the time and date of your next activity.

• Write down your scheduled activities on two calendars - one for you and one for your Little.

• Plan to meet regularly on the same day and time each week to limit needed phone contact.

Q: "I went to pick up my Little Brother for a scheduled activity and he wasn't there. What should I do?"

A: It's okay to feel disappointed or frustrated, but try not to take this situation personally. Miscommunication and scheduling problems are common early in a match, and your Little may not be used to scheduled social activities.

The best thing to do is contact your Mentoring Specialist, who can help you work through it with your Little and your Little's parent. You can reduce the chance of a no-show by using these tips:

• If possible, meet the same day and time each week.

• Set up your next outing each time you meet.

• Be sure to communicate with your Little's parent about your scheduled activity. This increases the likelihood that your Little will be home and helps ensure that a parent will be home when you pick up and drop off your Little.

• Write down your meeting times on calendars, one for you and one for your Little. Your Mentoring Specialist can provide calendars if you need them.

• Call the day before to confirm plans and call again before you leave to pick up your Little.

Have you spoken with your Mentoring Specialist lately?

Match Support is a benefit of being a Big Brother, Sister, Couple, or Family--a staff member is here to help you out--but it's also a requirement of our programs.

If you're in the first year of your match, you need to communicate with your Mentoring Specialist (MS) on a monthly basis. Once you have been matched for ONE year, contacts between the Mentoring Specialist, Parent/Guardian, Big, and Little become quarterly (every 90 days).

If you receive a voicemail or e-mail from your Mentoring Specialist, please give him or her a call! It'll only take a few minutes, and it will keep you in compliance with Big Brothers Big Sisters standards of practice. Thank you!